Thursday, 4 February 2010


I have felt periodically near to tears today especially this evening. I can let none see me nor feel that I can share the emotion(s) with anyone close to me.
I am scared. Scared because in just over one month I will cease to be in full time employment. After almost forty years as a nurse I am to retire & I'm not entirely sure that I am ready to look & recognise myself.
I have for years avoided doing so, have avoided looking by burying myself, sheltering behind my profession & my humour Now that persona will shortly be surrendered. The uncertainty of how I will actually feel scares me. I need a cuddle but cannot tell those close the reason why. Yet I know I am not alone-I reflect upon the thousands of people in the world who have lost their jobs, their livelihoods & they won't be receiving a pension. I am very fortunate I realise that.
God I must sound shallow, pathetic & having a veneer for a personality. But I feel alone. Feel scared & apprehensive of my future

1 comment:

  1. Ah, that old (and risky) chestnut of loss of role in males.

    Seems to me that the very qualities that make you such an excellent nurse: humour, caring, dedication, humanity, brightly coloured socks, the ability to sleep during team meetings, blah,blah,blah, etc, etc will be the things that make you an enormously successful retired nurse once the (let's face it, ever more constrictive) shackles of the job have been removed. You may well find that the whole 'loss of role' thing will turn out to be a paper tiger after all.

    Well, either that or you're fucked!