Prompted perhaps an unconscious wish to self harm immersed as I was yesterday in the subterranean well of melancholy, I decide to saw up some wooden pallets with the bow saw. (You will recall that the family forbid me to use the chain saw unsupervised-clumsy as I am).
Anyhow. I took to the bow saw between rain showers yesterday (Monday)and.....cut my left hand. Boy, did it bleed! Closer inspection of the laceration revealed that I inflicted a number of small cuts & 2 deep lacerations.
Pissed off & cursing myself I applied 3 'sterisrips' to the deep wounds and band aid plasters to the others. At this point ,I decided to curtail any further attempts at wood sawing/chopping & more importantly, any further attempts at deliberate self harm for the day. I guess you could say that the unconscious desire had been satisfied! Well, at least 'til today when mother arrives down (via taxi order by me no-less!) for dinner cooked by me.
I changed the dressing(s) today...ugh!.. it looks grim. I've worn a vinyl glove on the wounded hand whilst cooking today, & I must resist any desire unconscious or otherwise to self harm post visit of the aforementioned person.
Upon reflection I reckon that the self harm/blood letting did some good. Because yesterday my meloncoly was (on a scale of 10 being the worst) about 7-8. Today (at least at the moment, pre visit) its about 5. However I don't recommend self harm with a bow saw as a cure for melconcoly.
The weather today here in Birmingham is very English. We have experienced all 4 seasons.....in 1 day!. There's a cold wind blowing & Charlie refuses to exit the house, looking at the hailstones with a look that says "what the fuck is going on???" During 1 break in the showers he came in moaning & drying himself against my leg! As I type now he's staring out of the front window at the clouds scutterling by in the sunshine, ears twitching & thing perhaps ..."what's going to happen now??" I'll tell ya shall I Chas....in about 5 minutes judging by them dark grey clouds over to the left of you....its gonna pour down, & poor Derek, who lives up the street ( a slim female cat much sought after by all the un-neutered toms in the area, will get bloody soaked cos Adam the Hippy is at work.
You're better off dozing on the back of the sofa Charlie..at least 'til you know who comes. He tends to go elsewhere when mother arrives.
Funny that.
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