Me......? Clumsy??

I'm a bit ungainly I'll admit.....6ft 3ins, weight about 14stone, 33'' legs , size 12 (UK) shoes & if all that weren't enough I'm as blind as a bat-short sight. The odds are stacked against me I'm sure you'll agree people. But honest I don't deliberately set out to reek havoc & leave a trail of destruction wherever I go, its not my intention to leave in my wake a scene that resembles the the turmoil that the tornado left in Moseley a few years ago. I recall a sad, shameful 'situation' a few years ago when I was a CPN based in Stechford. As be my usual wont I walked in a some dog turd. I then trailed the offending shite, (complete with horrendous smell) throughout the building. The whole damn building stank like a Parisian sewer. My mate & colleague John, with the honesty & (?) tact that is peculiar to those former residents of East London said something like "Facking 'ell Woollie wot you walked in?" He then pointed to all the debris left on the carpets throughout the base. The shame of it. I then became known as 'Captain Cack'. Anyhow. Yesterday was as you all know April Fools Day. And in true to form the Gods sent me trouble. Going into base I tripped head first over a paving slab, tore my trousers & bled my knee. You know theres something about taking a tumble in public ain't there? You feel a total prat don't you? You look around to make sure that NO ONE saw you trip & fall. & then you pretend that you ain't hurt. You could have broken your leg in 1/2 dozen places but fuck it, you get up PDQ & dart off to where you gotta go. Then..... Preparing the interview room to assess a patient I attempted to put a battery in the clock. The clock came off the wall, dropped on the floor, the glass broke & I left a dirty great hole in the wall where the screw once was that secured the clock to the wall. As luck would have it Robin (my manager) is very sympathetic & understanding. So ended April Fools Day 2011. Oh, my shoes?? Their knackered. Then soles come off the left shoe.